So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
