so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize