I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize