wakey wakey hands off snakey
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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