you win again, gameday.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
