My hand turned me down
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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