Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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