Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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