A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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