There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
