I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
