How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
