i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
