Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
