somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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