Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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