If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
