I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
