what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
