goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i may or may not be watching the land before time
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
