he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
