You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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