You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
from now on my penis is your penis
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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