Got a toothbrush?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
