My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
