I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Randomize
