What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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