me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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