he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
