We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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