so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
