Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
