You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
