My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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