I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize