hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Randomize
