I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize