Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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