Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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