you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
