I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
