'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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