For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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