wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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