I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
