i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
