They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
