I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
