Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
