So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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