life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
