we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
