just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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