so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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