First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
