fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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