These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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