My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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