I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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