i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
