I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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