And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
